Thread:ThatIsAPirate/@comment-38968302-20200719044945

No Sweat Update #1: We take it you’ve also noticed that giant wall of water closing in. Well, we wouldn’t sweat it. We’ve reached out to a Henchman correspondent at The Yacht who told us “eee oooo bblluuhhh,” which we can only take as good news. More as further updates perspire… err, transpire.

No Sweat Update #2: While recent studies have suggested that sharks can inhabit bodies of water, these findings are far from conclusive. Until a full scientific review is complete, we’ll continue to say it’s not worth sweating about (kind of like how the giant wall of water isn’t).

No Sweat Update #3: We’ve monitored an increase in the shark population, possibly related to the recent cataclysmic weather events. But as they say: don’t sweat the small stuff. To help keep you and your stuff safe, remember that sharks live in water and like to eat things, including your items. (If you can’t resist playing with the sharks, we recommend taking a Fishing Rod.)

No Sweat Update #4: After a recent increase in campfire related incidents, we assigned our top scientists to the case! It turns out standing near the warm glow of a campfire provides a warm healing effect, but standing in the campfire really really hurts. While we could recommend our favorite flavor of Chug Splash to treat burns, the best advice is to just not stand (or sit) in a campfire.

No Sweat Update #5: All those cute little bugs that light up at night? While they are beautiful and bright, No Sweat can’t recommend that you play with them, for safety reasons. And no matter what you do, do not put them into a jar and then shake the jar. That’s just asking for some toasty trouble.

No Sweat Update #6: Somehow, certain stinky and explosive armaments have made their way onto the Island - confiscated by roaming, hostile Marauders. Please recover and return these to your nearest official No Sweat Storage facility for testing purposes. We will reward you with our deepest gratitude and a heartfelt reminder that only you can keep the Island safe - or as safe as it can be.

No Sweat Update #7: Emergency signal devices are meant to be used only with proper supervision. However, we thought widely distributing such devices without instructions would significantly improve our response times. What could possibly go wrong? Well… it turns out that Flare Guns are fantastic at revealing enemy positions too. To properly operate a Flare Gun, just pick one up and fire it in any direction! We understand that you may not have time to aim it sky high. That bush… don’t sweat it.

No Sweat Update #8: We believe in “safety first,” so we worked very hard to bring the deployable Upgrade Bench into fruition. (We advocated a TON for it.) Having to run across the Island to Upgrade or Sidegrade weapons was quite a workout — and really went against the company name. Now that we can deploy these handy stations from our current loadout, we're back to our No Sweat mantra. Before we enter an area we think could be dangerous, we drop one down wherever we are to Upgrade or Sidegrade what we've got. The unperspired life is a good one. 